A Polish man had married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada for a year or so and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on well. 

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked if he could arrange for a divorce for him….”very quick!!!”  The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked these questions:

Lawyer;  “Have you any grounds?!”

Polish man;  “An acre and a half and a nice 3 bedroom house!!”

Lawyer; “No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?!”

Polish man;  “It is made of concrete, bricks and mortar!!”

Lawyer;  “Does either of you have a real grudge?!”

Polish man;  “No, we have a carport…

don't need a grudge!!”

Lawyer;  “I mean, what are your relations like?!”

Polish man;  “All my relations live in Poland!!”

Lawyer;  “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?!”

Polish man;  “Yes…

we have hi-fidelity stereo set and DVD player with 6.1 surround sound!!”

Lawyer;  “No, I mean does your wife beat you up?!”

Polish man;  “No, I'm always up before her!!”

Lawyer;  “why do you want this divorce?!”

Polish man;  “She is going to kill me!!!!”

Lawyer;  “What makes you think that?!”

Polish man; “I got proof!!”

Lawyer;  “What kind of proof?!”

Polish man;  “She going to poison me.  She buy bottle at drug store and I read label.  It say…