Savage Comebacks You’ll Never Forget
Let me tell you about my daughter—she’s in fourth grade, sweet as can be, but when someone comes for her, she’s got a tongue sharper than most adults I know.
There was this one girl in her class—let’s call her Madison—who sat next to her and wouldn’t stop bragging. Every single day it was, “My daddy bought me this,” or “I already have $800 saved up,” or “I bet I’m richer than you.” You get the idea. Classic spoiled energy.
One day, after Madison went on her usual monologue about how she was practically a millionaire and how everyone was probably jealous of her glitter-covered pencil case, my daughter finally had enough.
She looked over and said sweetly, “It’s good that you’re rich. With a face like yours, at least someone might marry you for your money.”
The teacher had to pretend to adjust the projector just to hide her laugh. And yes, we had a talk about kindness at home… but inside? I was cackling.
Story two? A workplace classic.
A friend of mine was at a party hosted by mutual friends, and guess who showed up? A former coworker who had been fired six months ago—for being the kind of guy who thought everyone else was beneath him.
They never really got along, so when Mr. Fired Employee spotted my friend, he smirked and said, “Hey man, last time I saw you, you didn’t have that pretentious haircut.”
Without missing a beat, my friend shot back, “And last time I saw you, you were employed.”
You could feel the silence settle over the room like fog. Someone spilled their drink. Someone else choked on a tortilla chip. It was legendary.
And finally, the overheard-office roast that deserves its own plaque.
There’s a woman at my workplace who loves giving the guys a hard time. One day, she was really laying into one of the younger analysts, poking fun at his shoes, his wrinkled shirt, and his “wannabe tech bro” hoodie.
She smirked and said, “Wow, your wardrobe screams ‘I gave up.’”
He looked at her, completely deadpan, and said, “Your bank account has never had a comma in it. Let’s not talk about value.”
Mic. Drop.
I don’t know what was colder—the look on her face or the air conditioning in that office. Either way, that man walked away a legend.